Loose Nuts Cycles

June 18th GRAND OPENING

2010-06-17T11:30:00.002-04:00

Soft Opening Pictures

2010-06-17T11:29:00.000-04:00

Via Twotoneatl

See the article and all the pictures at http://twotoneatl.com/2010/06/13/loose-nuts-soft-opening/

Few Progress Pics

2010-06-09T22:34:00.000-04:00

Dr. Jones and Ms. Sanders came down to the shop a few days ago to check out whats been going on. While here, between beverages and pizza, Ben snapped a few great pictures so take a peek inside (and out)

Loose Nuts Cycles -- UPDATE

2010-05-20T09:55:00.000-04:00

Rapid progress is happening at 452-A Cherokee Ave, Atlanta, GA 30312. Stay tuned for more details and pictures!

ATL Polo getting the come up

2010-05-20T09:52:00.000-04:00

I've been working with Eighth Inch for a while now helping them develop their mallet heads. Well, the wait has finally come to an end with these fine final models.

The come in a handful of different colors and are made of HDPE-- the same material that most players are currently using. Designed around a one bolt attachment method swapping out shafts is extremely fast. A cool feature that keeps the mallet heads from being proprietary (which is a pet peeve of mine) is that the diameter of the opening in the mallet for the shaft is 19mm. This is the same diameter of the non-tapered end of a ski pole.

All in all I am extremely happy with how the final design turned out-- they play wonderfully and are super solid. I can't wait until their production shaft drops because the combo of the two should be one of the stoutest set-ups on the market.

Doin' Tricks

2010-04-22T10:57:00.000-04:00

Went riding with Kareem and Sean over the weekend. Sean snapped this pic of me right before my rear axle broke. Gotta love the crazy face--

26" Fixed

2010-04-20T13:00:00.000-04:00

Latest wheel build-- 26" Velocity Cliffhanger rims laced to Profile True 3/8" hubs. Pretty sick build and going to a great guy in Canada. We're international folks!

Loose Nuts Cycles in the Media

2010-04-20T12:55:00.000-04:00

Just found out that Loose Nuts Cycles is in the media. What Now Atlanta did a small piece check it out HERE

Also, Thrillist is going to run a piece in the near future. Check back to see the article soon!

Twilight before Twilight Alleycat Friday April 23rd Athens

2010-04-20T12:53:00.000-04:00

Some friends of mine in Athens are throwing an Alley Cat the night before the Twilight Criterium. Come out and race-- then stick around for some awesome professional racing on Saturday.

After the race Anchor Tattoo will be having a bike themed art opening. Swing by for some great art and great tattoo work.

More Broken Parts

2010-04-20T12:48:00.000-04:00

So after about 2 months of running a rear peg, yes I run a peg, finally snapped an axle. The Velocity hubs that I'm running have been awesome-- cheap and pretty strong, and truly, asking a 10mm non-hardened axle to stand up to grinds is a lot to ask. Luckily Kareem had a spare axle and in about ten minutes I was back up and running.

Wonder if anyone makes a hardened axle or a 14mm fixed hub?

New Spokesgirl

2010-03-21T21:51:00.001-04:00

We got a new spokesgirl here at Loose Nuts--

Late Bike Builds

2010-02-25T16:48:00.000-05:00

Here are a few pictures of the latest bike builds from Loose Nuts.

Nash's Build

Rhys's Build

Headed to the Richmond River City Trick Jam tomorrow. Pictures and a write up to come--

A Snowy Athens

2010-02-13T16:53:00.000-05:00

Athens got hit with some snow yesterday. Took the Bruiser out towards the bar and managed to eat shit rolling out of the driveway. Guess CX tires should have been swapped on.

Broken Parts are No Fun

2010-02-08T15:10:00.001-05:00

Was out riding a few days ago and was doing a grind when I heard a pop. This was the end result-- not much fun.

After swapping on a non-splined chainwheel to get home I took apart the Krull, Stout, All-City ring combo and the Krull just fell into two pieces.

I'm currently debating on what to do next for a chainwheel. I really like the Krull for its compatibility with my Steel MKE Stout, but obviously, its not up to the task of grinding. A Tree Lite sprocket would probably make the most sense but its not compatible with a bash/grind guard. Maybe left side drive is in my future.

Chainring grind

2009-12-26T20:30:00.001-05:00

Chainring grind, originally uploaded by loosenutswheels.

short video of Chris grinding in Atlanta

Race Reports: USGP and Cyclocross Nationals!

2009-12-10T17:25:00.003-05:00

Hop over to Ryan's Transcontinental blog for updates and reports from the final stop of the US Gran Prix of Cyclocross in Portland, as well as coverage of the Cyclocross National Championships in Bend. Some hot racing is going down in the Oregon cold!

SSCXWC '09!

2009-11-09T11:33:00.003-05:00

Singlespeed Cyclocross World Championships were held this past Sunday in the pit of mud, blood and beer that was the Portland International Raceway. A full write-up is in the works, but here are some quick news flashes:

MUD! Lots of it. Everywhere. In every consistency and depth, at every angle and incline.

BEER! Lots of it. Mostly cheap, in red, white and blue cans. Pabst was also an event sponsor and served up only-slightly-overpriced pints.

THUNDERDOME! Craziest thing I ever rode through. S&M freakazoids and undead zombie people swinging from the rafters throwing beer and marshmallows.

BACON! Bacon handups should happen at every race!

JACKALOPE! In a nod to Jerry, the great and glorious Loose Nuts Jackalope, I felt it appropriate to don my best Jackalope attire for the festivities. Some spectators knew who I was, some were a little confused. "Go... Deer with ears guy!," "Go Bullwinkle!," and, "Holy shit it's the Easter Bunny!" were only some of the cheers I recieved.

Did I mention that it was muddy? I still don't know who won but I'm pretty sure it wasn't me. There was also some kind of race-within-the-race between Seattle and San Francisco to decide which city will host the SSCXWC next year. Either way, I'm going to do my damndest to make it next year too. Might have been the most fun I've ever had racing my bike. There was intermittent rain all afternoon, so we didn't get any photos of the actual race. A couple of post-race shots are up on the flickr page and I'll be scouring the buckets of photos sure to be dumped out on the interweb for pictures of me in the heat of battle, goring other racers with my noble antlers. BikePortland has a pretty good gallery up on their flickr page with some good pictures of the Thunderdome and scary MadMax racer people.

Stay Loose.

Interbike 2009

2009-09-22T12:54:00.000-04:00

So its been way to long since this has been updated but I'm currently in the air flying to Vegas for Interbike. Hopefully I'll be able to snap some pictures and show you some new freshness in the bike world.

Ryan and India's Journey

2009-07-31T18:33:00.001-04:00

Here's the link to the blog that Ryan and India are keeping on their journey to Portland. Follow along with their adventures!!

Transcontinental Odyssey

Stay Loose.

Tour de France 2009

2009-07-06T01:16:00.003-04:00

Ladies and gentlemen, the 2009 edition of the Tour de France is off and jogging! Sunday's prologue time-trial was easily drowned out by the echoing power of Independence Day fireworks and the soggy sound of Will Smith punching aliens on cable TV, but Fabien Cancellara still "tore the legs off everybody and threw them asunder" on the way to a convincing stage win. Stage two began with what looked like little bumps on the stage profile, but looked like the wood grains on the inside of a coffin lid to the Athens faithful. Still, the four-man breakaway managed to stay clear up until the painfully flat final 25km, when they were snatched and grabbed by an errant breakaway artist who failed to stay away over the last 9k, and were finally caught by a ferocious pack led by Mark Cavendish's Mallets Of Athens/Columbia team. The MOA squad had done the lion's share of the work to catch the break, and applied the thumbscrews to the shift levers of the chasing teams. After rounding the final corner with three leadout men still locked and loaded when all other aggressors had already spent every round in the chamber, the Mallets Of Athens rider won a convincing stage victory in his first sprinting test at the 2009 tour. Here he is, replendent on the podium in the Mallets Of Athens (MOA) "Muscular Jersey," or "Maillot Musculaire."

It is a little odd that the preeminent team in the pro peloton is also sponsored by THC, which is listed as a dangerous and harmful ingredient in marijuana smoke. Also, I'm a little concerned that our favorite Manxman has some serious body-image issues. He was recently quoted in a prominent cycling publication as saying that when he looks at himself in "the one mirror that never lies" he sees that "mother nature was on an off day when she made me." Ladies and Gentlemen, please, when you see Mark please remind him that he is not "fat", that he must stick to his nutrition plan and keep up with the beer-drinking regimen that MOA director-sportif Vinnie Van GoGo has laid out for him.

In other news, everyone's favorite occasional cocaine user and big power strong man Tom Boonen has been allowed to ride this year's tour, but has been nowhere within sight of the podium on the first two stages. Keep an eye peeled and a nostril flared for Boonen on Tuesday, as he will almost certainly be visible on the Team Time Trial. A Loose Nuts/Mallets Of Athens viewing party will be held upstairs at Transmetropolitan to(morrow)night at 8:30. Come and enjoy!

Buddy System Wrap-up

2009-06-29T09:06:00.004-04:00

So, the Loose Nutters managed a strong third-place finish in the polo tournament at the Atlanta Midsummer Invitational and garnered the respect of many competitors who recalled the team's lackluster showing at the East Side Polo Invitational in Pensacola several months back. With a combination of smart tactics, well-honed mallet skills and clean play, the squad of Jones, Millard and Tavel cruised through their qualifying rounds, with their only losses coming at the hands of the teams from Richmond, VA and Columbia, SC(?) who were the eventual first and second-place teams. However, Mr. Tavel did not escape the competition unscathed. Through a bizarre combination of polo, trick bike douche-baggery and heavy-duty tent-tossing, Chris managed to crack some ribs. He's on the heal-up and will be ready to knock your teeth out with a slapshot before you know it.

In more current news, the Buddy System team alleycat took place this past Saturday here in Athens. Naturally, as the AMI alleycat was heavily tilted in favor of Atlanta locals, it was not difficult for Athenians to dominate the podium of the Buddy System. The two-person format was a new approach for most riders, who were tethered to their BFF at the start for a three-legged Lemans-Style start, forced to shuffle down a gravel driveway, disentangle themselves and mount up for the 2-hour long event in which competitors had to make it to four mandatory checkpoints and perform such diverse tasks as rope-jumping, 12" bike time-trialing, duct-tape leg waxing, tequila body-shotting, and trying in vain to score a goal against the infamous Dr. Jones on his home polo court. After that, there were a handful of optional challenges on tap for extra points. As in any urban race, a knowledge of the local area, traffic patterns, and elevation change was key, and the top teams combined an intimate knowledge of the Athenian bike scene with smart planning and high speed runs across town. In addition to the strong local showing (although the majority of Athens bigwigs were helping out running checkpoints) a handful of shredders dragged themselves down from hippie mountain for the festivities and made their presence felt on the road and by manning the grill and serving up about 10thousand delicious burgers for the post race party. Several teams also made the trek from Atlanta and made a respectable showing, especially in the late-night bar blitz that went down after all the free beers at Loose Nuts HQ had been cracked, drained and crushed. The temptation presented by dollar beers and 2-dollar shots proved to be a bit too much for some of the Atlanta faithful, who were left scrambling for a hole in the ground with cheeks full of upchuck. There were no official prize categories for out-of-towners, but when a plastic bag full of barely used bibshorts donated by a high-profile Athens cycling legend (who shall not be named here) appeared at HQ, the Atlanta boys were treated to a free lycra buffet and jumped at the opportunity like your fat cousin downing mac-and-cheese at Golden Corral.

All in all, it was a great race and one of the most fun alleycats in Athens history. Big props go out to all the winners, losers, DNFers, checkpoint workers, sponsors, and most importantly to Megs and Dr. Jones for organizing the race, buying a million beers and a thousand pounds of ground beef, and showing us all an awesome time.

Stay tuned for more information about the upcoming Bastille Day Cross-Crit race, July 14. Heads Will Roll!

Until next time,

June gets it HOT!

2009-06-22T08:47:00.004-04:00

So we're still waiting on news updates from the Atlanta Midsummer Invitational Polo tournament and street races, but the Loose Nuts team of Tavel, Jones and Millard and the Mallets of Athens squad of Sakai, Magner and Bushnel have qualified for the 8-team finals to be played on Sunday, June 21. This report from the Duke of the Mallet himself, K Sakai:

16 teams descended on the 2009 Atlanta Midsummer Invitational on a sweltering Georgia summer day capped by the temperature & humidity at over 9000. Athens arrived with 3 teams and moral support from the holligans of Athens and parents. The tone of the day for Athens was set with Loose Nuts (Athens-1), MoA (Athens-2) and Random (Athens-Composite) each winning their respective games in round 1. Loose Nuts dominated their games with strong play by Tavel, Millard & Doc Jones. They would later go on to topple Call to Arm's Tournament Champions, Ft Lauderdale, in a physical death match with casualties including lost fingernails and broken spokes. MoA (Athens-2) of Magner, Bushnel & Sakai kept the fire stoked with tournament newcomer, Magner, scoring a hat trick and the team pulling off a flawless record winning all four matches. Both Loose Nuts and MoA-A2 qualified in today's finale.

More information will follow as it is received.

The next couple of weekends will carry the bike-citement generated by the AMI back home to Athens with a full docket of racing and rabble-rousing brought to you by a virtual whos-who of local two-wheeled celebutards.

The first event to put your life, limb and potential happiness in jeopardy is The Buddy System, a team alleycat organized by UGA road racer and Loose Nuts cyclocross superstar Mighty Megs Denision and Loose Nuts track racer, polo killer and web mastermind Dr. Benjamin Jones.

$10 for an afternoon of racing, food and delicious beverages? Count me in! Maybe we can get a big bicycle squaredance together and Madison Handsling our partners round and round! If you don't have your buddy yet, don't worry. There's always time for making new friends.

Then, on the very next weekend JohnDeere/UGA road bike crusher and stem-creak-freak Rigoberto Simpsoni presents his long-awaited Bastille Day cross-crit.

I'm not sure what lies in store for racers on that fateful day in July, but you may rest assured that your pale-skinned, soft-bellied, weak-legged, lamb-eating, lassiez-faire, bourgeois ass will be humiliated and laid to rest in a mass grave with the rest of the upper-crusters. If you aren't tough enough, that is. This one's for the people in the streets, not the people City Hall.

Stay Loose. We'll see you at the races.

-RK

New Website Under Development

2009-06-16T21:14:00.002-04:00

So we are slowly moving towards a fully functional website. You can now find us a Loose Nuts Wheels

If you have any suggestions or comments please feel free to shoot us an email.

Also, look for us at the Atlanta Midsummer Invitational. We are a proud sponsor and will have more than a few teams competing in both the polo tournament and the various alleycats through out the weekend.

LN

B43's Built

2009-05-25T10:35:00.000-04:00

Built up last Tuesday to All-City Hubs. Built up well and ride great too--

Mayhem Alleycat Win

2009-05-24T22:55:00.001-04:00

In a desperate attempt to get out of Athens the Loose Nuts Race crew traveled up to Asheville to compete in the Mayhem Alleycat put on by Independent Fabrication mountain bike ripper Kylie Krauss. Expecting the air to be patchouli laden and the vibe to be chill we were thrown a curve ball at the beginning location in the form, of multiple undercover cops and a full squad of back-up, uniformed, police. Officially, the harassment stemmed from the ever horrific crime of selling t-shirts in a public park without a permit. After 15 or so confusing minutes of background checks, stern warnings, and not so truthful address given the race regrouped at Kylie's house for a slightly late and slightly altered start.

Consisting of multiple mandatory checkpoints spread out all over Asheville and a plethora of bonus points available at other undisclosed locations, the race appeared, at the start, to heavily favor the Asheville locals. After desperately scrutinizing the map and trying to orient ourselves in an extraordinarily disorienting city, Dr. Jones and I were as ready for racing in a city we'd never ridden through. With the tactics of the Giro fresh in our minds, we immediately hopped on some local riders wheels (which later proved to be immensely frustrating for them) and let them, guide us to the first few stops.

Feeling ever more confident with a belly full of whiskey and wet jeans from a slip-and-slide (compliments of the first few stops) we turned off by ourselves for the remainder of the race. We ended up hitting all the mandatory checkpoints pretty quickly and without to much backtracking. We did however spend a little additional time at the super sweet pumptrack (one of the mandatory stops) trying to throwdown some fast times for additional points. After looking amazingly ridiculous we managed to get our perpetually spinning feet timed somewhat well and made it around the course at a decent clip-- even managing to catch some air on the new B43's.

After spirited ride back through town towards the race finish, Ben and I got back first and immediately started rehydrating with the perfectly cool PBR's waiting for us. As the rest of the racers hurried back before the 7:00 cut off time the grill was fired up and many beers were emptied. After the scores were calculated, and recalculated a couple of times, Kylie announced the results before a befuddled crowd. In a stroke of luck, and thanks to the second place team, (the guys who lead us out to the first few checkpoints) Dr. Jones and I managed to squeeze out the win. After a few minutes of disbelief and incredulousnesses the murmur died down and everyone refocused on recounting the race, and their beverages.

Huge props go out to Kylie for throwing an extremely well organized race, and handling the ridiculous police presence at the start of the race. Hopefully some of the Asheville crew will be able to come down to Athens soon and beat us on our home court.

Athens has been taken to the HNL

2009-05-12T13:46:00.000-04:00

The newest ride rolling around Loose Nuts HQ--

Steamroller frame, DMR Trailblade Fork, Truvativ Cranks (about to be changed to 165mm FSA's) and a bunch of other used parts.

Hot off the Stand!

2009-05-07T09:29:00.000-04:00

Here are some photos of our latest build, some super-light road wheels designed for the grueling climbs of the bicycle leg of Ironman Lake Placid.

Super Sweet Vintage Frejus

2009-05-01T14:30:00.001-04:00

Josh at the shop dusted off this super sweet Frejus track frame. Its pretty much all original Campagnolo parts, even the chainring bolts. For a bike thats nearly 40 years old its in amazing condition. Its for sale, so if you are interested shoot us an email. LN

Rob's New Ride

2009-04-26T20:32:00.000-04:00

Here is Rob's newest creation and another set of our wheels--

Recent Wheels

2009-04-15T18:46:00.000-04:00

These are the latest set of wheels that rolled out of Loose Nuts HQ tonight--

They are popsicle purple Deep-V's, laced to All-City hubs with black Wheelsmith spokes.

Here is a pic of the hubs that we've been using lately-- All-City Standard track hubs

More updates to come (the carbon polo bike will be soon, promise)

A quicky from the Nuts

2009-04-14T18:47:00.000-04:00

Loads of wheels, bikes and mallets have been built since we last updated the blog so here is a quick update--

A few of us, Ben, Jordan and myself, Chris, from Athens went down to the Dick Lane Velodrome in Atlanta to get certified to race a few couple of weeks ago.

We jumped through all of the hoops to get ready to race and are raring to go. It was pretty exciting to see 4 Loose Nuts track wheels actually being used on their native turf. Hopefully all three of us will be racing in the upcoming weeks. We'll keep you updated as we figure out exactly whats going on. Ben and Laura snapped some photos while we were down at the track-- they can be found here Track Certification Pics

On the wheel building front we've built over 5 new sets. We got to build a nice track only set on some new Suzue ProMax hubs that built really nicely. The hubs are super smooth and look great on Ben's Langster Comp.

Rigerberto's city ride got updated with a fresh set of white Deep-V's, Amy's Mercier is getting closer and closer to perfection with some woodgrain rims, Brooks B.17 Champion Special saddle, and super cool Brooks leather grips. A recent 20" convert (his name is omitted so he can keep his street cred) is about to be rolling on some super clean ano purple deep-v's and Treetop is considering a 650c for the Fuji-- guess he's looking to be a trickster.

Polo has been the main form of riding recently (thats not such a great thing) and a new polo steed has been built-- more will come soon but I'll leave you with a few details. Full carbon, 32's and bashguards.

More soon and pics shortly
LN

It's the New Style!

2009-02-27T19:49:00.001-05:00

If you're wondering why you haven't been hearing much news out of Loose Nuts HQ these last few weeks, it's because we've abandoned our wheelbuilding initiative and began pouring our federal bailout money into a venture that will be more sustainable in these tough economic times: hair styling. Here is a photo of one of our models showing off the flashy and upscale, yet decidedly derelicte look that our new pneumatic styling gun produces:

While the curmudgeons and retro-grouches of the Athens hair fashion scene may be reluctant to embrace this new oh-so-green innovation and abandon their gallons of ecologically hazardous products, dyes, and ear-gouging scissors, we have been promised a hefty sum of Obama-approved stimulus money to fund an infrastructure development program that will put the technology necessary for pneumatic styling within the reach of salon, barbershop, beauty parlor, stylist, and flo-bee owner in Athens and across Georgia. Naturally, the Halliburton of fashion houses, Mugatu Inc. has been contracted to carry out the necessary work.

This move will put thousands of unemployed poodles and stray cats to work, and will help preserve the lightness of Athens hairstyles for years to come.

Redneck Slumlords Unite!

2009-01-27T08:57:00.000-05:00

Ok, so it took me a full day to recover from this pentathlon weekend do a point where I could form nearly coherent thoughts, but I'm mostly there on this foggy Tuesday. After sending my beer-soaked race kit of black jeans and Sunshine t-shirt to the cleaners, a full day at the shop, and plenty of alternating doses of coffee and sleep, I'm back in the land of the living. The crucial element in my recovery however, was a tapering program put together by Loose Nuts Minister of Health, Dr. Sanjay Gupta. Through meticulous research and scientific methodizing, Dr. Gupta has determined that you just can't quit drinking cold-turkey after a three-day blinding bender like the Pentathlon, you have to taper. There are receptors in your brain that NEED beer, and if you don't give it to them they will revolt, and like K. Sekai after a week without bike polo, you might just lose your shit altogether, or fall into a light coma/powernap. And, as horrible as that first beer sounded, he was right. If anyone else out there needs some help designing their own custom-tailored tapering schedule, Dr. Gupta has graciously allowed himself to be kidnapped, blindfolded and tied to a chair on the porch at the redneck slum formerly known as Loose Nuts HQ, with only one arm left free to hand beers up from the cooler full of icy cold water provided expressly for the purpose. But, as a high-profile TV doctor and U.S. Surgeon General designate, we are unsure how long Dr. Gupta will be available for consultation, so please act quickly.

As for the pentathlon itself, I would do myself a great disservice if I tried to recreate in words the awesomeness of this past weekend. It just can't be done. You had to see it to believe it, and if you weren't there you just straight missed out. Maybe when we were still in the thick of it, when the smell of beer in waterbottles still lingered, the frogs still flashed from trees and the crack of the mallets still echoed, I could have created a depiction of the heroism, savagery and pure mayhem that might have done justice to the truth of the matter, but now, with the powers of hindsight clouded by residual effects of drink and delirium, I find my powers of description unequal to the task. You'll hear all the stories anyway from those who survived, and the memories of those who did not will live on long after the worms have devoured their flesh.

Pentathlon in the Books!

2009-01-26T08:59:00.000-05:00

Phew, what a whirlwind. If anyone was checking back for pentathlon updates, I'm sorry to have disappointed. I had no chance at keeping up with the furious pace of events set by the Duke of the Mallet, K Sekai. The individual and team overalls were hotly contested, and to the victors went the spoils, and to everyone went the beers. Check back soon for a wrap-up story to cement legends and dole out appropriate amounts of glory to those that earned it.

Event #1: 200m Sprints!

2009-01-24T10:56:00.000-05:00

The much anticipated and often misunderstood misfit that is the Athens Bike Pentathlon kicked off Friday night in high-flying, big-ring-mashing, gear-grinding, beer-drinking, flaming hot shit style with the 200m Sprint competition, brought to you by Georgia Cycle Shorts and Scooters. A huge crowd lined the curbs of Harris St. in front of Loose Nuts HQ to watch the finals, and were treated to a display of head-to-head-to-head pedal mashing that was not only 3 Fast, but also 3 Furious.

--------------

But, due to a pair of unexpected electronic meltdowns at Loose Nuts HQ, the meticulously worded spark of brilliance that was my original race report has been lost to the sands of time, and you don't just pull genius like that out of your ass. So, you don't get a ride report anymore and I hate the internet. Check malletsofathens.com for standings and information while I strangle myself with the a phone line.

The Bike Pentathlon Kicks Off!

2009-01-24T10:47:00.000-05:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, start your engines! The long-awaited, much anticipated Athens Bike Pentathlon is off and running! If you're not on board now, it's not too late to catch up! Get to malletsofathens.com for all the info, and get out there.

Check back here for updates on times, standings, and other foolishness.

The the Loose Nuts ministry of information will be covering all the events, bringing you the real story, as it might have happened in some alternate universe where the beer is cheap, the roadies are only sometimes dorks, the trail riders aren't always smelly, the fixters actually ride their bikes and everyone gets along.

Or, only in Athens. Let's gittit on!

Revenge of the Nerds Part VII: The Evolution of Perfection

2009-01-09T11:24:00.000-05:00

The mailman comes through the double doors of Sunshine Cycles every day. (S)he generally delivers bills, junk mailers for stupid new products, promo stuff from parts distributors, and free copies of magazines like "Florida Sportsman", "Bowhunter", and Rifle Shooter". We used to get stuff that was only sometimes less horrifying but always more fun like "Maxim", "Stuff" and other dude-centric titles that we took cutouts from to line the inside of the shop cabinets. We told Obrimace (the shop manager) that it was important to protect the finish of the cabinets from the harmful solvents, degreasers and brake fluids that are stored there, but he wasn't having it and cancelled our free subscriptions. So these days, picking up the mail from the front counter isn't as much fun as it used to be. Until one day...

We recieved a small, sqaure, white envelope printed on high-quality paper with a watermark reminiscent of the pinstriping on a fine eye-talian gentleman's shirt, sealed with a shining silver sticker that I can only assume was cold-forged from the highest quality duraluminum alloy and double-anodized with meticulous attention to detail. "The Evolution of Perfection," read the front of the envelope. Dura-Ace was coming to town. Inside the envelope was an invitation and four tickets to the Dura-Ace dealer tour, which would be held on January 8th at 6:30 pm in the Centennial Room at the Duluth Marriot Hotel. As near-legendary wheelbuilders and cyclocross racers, it was only natural that the fine men of Loose Nuts would be invited to such a prestigious event, and since the invitation offered "food, drink and good company in abundance," the opportunity to check out the newly evolved Dura-Ace group, as well as some of the other fresh new goodies Shimano has Japanimated for the new year of 2009, we had no choice but to attend.

So, after months of waiting and anticipation, the morning of January 8th dawned crisp and cool, but with a ferocious headwind on my ride to work. Obrimace had agreed to let Chris and I leave work early to get down to Duluth and witness firsthand the paradigm shift that Shimano had engineered with their new Di2 electronic shifting Dura-Ace groupset. In fact, as we agreed on the ride down Hwy 316, if the words "paradigm shift" were uttered by any Shimano representative at any time, Chris would be buying a bottle of Sailor Jerry's delicious navy rum on the way home. The size of the bottle was never specified, but I would be sure that it was a big one. I wasn't letting him get out of this one so easy.

After about an hour of stop-and-go traffic that re-cemented my powerful hatred for commuting by car, we arrived. I expected to be greeted with pomp and circumstance, with lights and banners and smiling Japanese people beckoning me to be one of the first to experience "The Evolution of Perfection." Instead, after a few moments of confusion, I resorted to asking the guy behind the hotel desk for directions, which I immediately misinterpreted. Chris managed to point us in the right direction through clever attention to the signs with arrows pointing toward the Centennial room, and we found ourselves confronted with a card table manned by nice young men in clean blue shirts asking four our tickets. This is what their legs looked like:

We presented our ticket, were given a bunch our "trade sales and support manuals" and two tear-off carnival tickets for some kind of raffle at the end of the presentation in which we stood a pretty reasonable chance of winning a new Dura-Ace group. "Ok, fine," we said, "but where's the food?" We found our way past the nice young men in the clean blue shirts to a second room filled with wonder. A curvy buffet table snaked its way across the center, while tables lined with all kinds of Japanese-made fancy bits lined the periphery. Of course, we made for the plates and piled them high with the delectable finger-foods that were provided for our enjoyment. I wish I had photos of the spread, because it was a beautiful sight to be seen. There were chainring platters of the finest Japanese cheeses, carbon-soled shoes filled with fresh salsa, honeycomb bashguards dripping with honey, hollow crank arms cradling fried chicken nibbles, two-piston disk brake calipers topped with black olives, straight-pull spoke kabobs, and the always delicious dual-control mushroom/sausage combos. After we had sated our hunger with the first plate, we were both left wondering "ok, fine, but where's the beer?" We had smelled and seen folks traipsing around with pints of delicious-looking beverages, but hadn't seen any available. By this time though, we were being called in for the presentation which was about to begin. "Ok, fine," we told ourselves, "but we're going to find this beer." Little did we know, that we had been baited and now were about to be switched in classic style.

We sat down in our normal-looking chairs in the normal-looking hotel ballroom with a fancy name and horrifying carpet, and waited patiently for the magic to happen. The projection screen in front of us showed what we assumed was a computerized rendering of the magical action inside of an internally-geared hub, with several plantary gears revolving around each other, while we waited for the presentation to begin. I was ready for fireworks, japanese girls in tight clothes, flashing lights and booming techno music that would make me want to stand on my chair and shake it like 1999, but that wasn't what I got. Instead, we got a powerpoint. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, a powerpoint that could have been put together by a 14 year old with a script and a spellchecker. Here is a rendering of the dismal scene:

Can't you just feel the electricity in the air? That set of brake levers you see in the far left side of the frame was about the only source of electricity in this presentation. This particular slide is showing the clever way that the engineers at Shimano managed to improve the shifting on the new Dura-Ace cassette all while reducing weight and increasing rigidity by 100%. Amazing. Our esteemed speaker went on to describe all the amazing changes made to the new Dura-Ace groups, which now use a new chain, new front derailleur, new brake cable pull ratio and new brake calipers which are not compatible with any other group. That is, if they use cables at all, which is not the case for the new Di2 electronic shifting Dura-Ace, which appeared to be the only reason that anybody showed up to this thing at all. People were crowded around the electronic shifting bike like male drone bees around the queen, just begging for a ride. Apparently, the brake lines on the new Di2 group, which are still run by archaic and outdated steel cables, are lubricated with Shimano's proprietary royal jelly, which contributes to the odd pull that Di2 equipped bikes have on the less intelligent.

After the discussion of the updates to Shimano's road groups, the crowd rallied for a break. Chris and I were still anxious to find the beer in this damned place, and since it appeared that there wasn't any being given away, we resorted to plan B: the hotel bar. We quickly located The Button Room, named after Button Gwinnett, who was one of the original signatories to the Declaration of Independence. On a tangentially related note, an original Button Gwinnett autograph would be just behind that of Julius Caesar or William Shakespeare in a list of most valuable autographs. A free bottle of Sailor Jerry goes to the lucky reader who can tell me why. So, to the bar we go. Here's the view from the rail:

The surly and indignant bartender poured us two frothy pints of Guinness with what looked like an inch-and-a-half of whipped cream on top. But, no time to complain. We had to get back and learn about the new mountain bike groups that Shimano was offering. By this time, were were tiring of the constant parade of part numbers and gear ratios and compatibility charts flashing across the powerpoint screen and were ready for some action. Surely if there was going to be some excitement anywhere it would be in the ever-broadening downhill/northshore/freeride/slopestyle/extremecross-country/light-dutyallmountain/gravity/longtravel/bighit segment of the mountain bike market. The presentation began with what could have been an introduction from one of those new mountain bike video deals, but somehow without sound of any kind. Nothing is more exciting than watching someone do a half-topped tabletop off a log drop in slow motion in soft focus with no soundtrack. The rest of the mountain bike presentation was equally monotonous, and I should have just gone to get a refill of my painfully expensive beverage, but I couldn't help waiting for something exciting to happen. It never did. Not until the tense moments after the lights had come back on and we were all waiting to see who, by pure blind luck, would walk out with a full Dura-Ace group (no substitutions please) as compensation. Of course we were painfully close, but just 2 ticket numbers away from winning. If we had gotten stuck in just one more red light on the highway, we may have won, but we didn't. We were left with the consolation prizes of a technical DVD and a double-ended screwdrives that Shimano described as "a handy little tool" for adjusting all those flathead bolts holding their parts together.

For those of you still left wondering, we did ride the electronic Dura-Ace bike. Yes, it does shift smoothly. It feels very much like someone bolted a high-end mouse to the side of their STI lever, with one click to upshift and the other to downshift. In keeping with the mousey theme, the front derailleur makes a distinctly mouse-like squeak when it shifts or trims itself. Fantastic. Poor little Dura-Ace with plain old cables (which are not lined with royal jelly) just sat on the other side of the room like the redheaded stepchild that everybody tolerates but nobody really loves. I took pity on the poor outdated group and took it for a little spin on the trainer, but was equally underwhelmed. We messed around with the "adjustment mode" on the electronic group for long enough to get it a little out of whack, try to fix it, and then realize that the derailleur hanger on the demo bike was clearly bent, but nobody in this whole room full of tech geeks had the tools, knowledge or desire to fix it. Wonderful. We got the heck out of there, considered getting another overpriced beer in the Button Room, but decided instead to hightail it back to Athens where 12 packs of Guinness can be had for just slightly more than our bar tab.

There was no talk of a "paradigm shift" and therefore no purchasing of delicious rum on the ride home. Chris however, seemed to be feeling the effects of having eaten one too many delicious spicy taquitos from the buffet line and had to ease the seat back and close his eyes in order to calm the stormy seas in his stomach. I coasted home on the darkened highway to a soundtrack of really weird music with my head still buzzing from the electronic interference generated by having a ceiling full of flourescent lights, a powerpoint projector, a whole bunch of nerds with heads full of part numbers, compatibility charts and gram counts, and two semi-functional electronic groupsets in one room. The revenge of the nerds was complete, and the Evolution of Perfection marches on.

News Flash! Loose Nuts delivers "State of the Stain" address!

2009-01-05T21:21:00.000-05:00

I realized today that a huge span of time has passed since anything was published on this little wedge of electronic pepperoni pizza about the art and science of wheelbuilding, and more importantly, the goings-on around Loose Nuts HQ. Perhaps it is time, here in the freshly birthed new year of 2009, to inform our esteemed readership about the new and improved spoked, circular hotness that has been - and is soon to be - rolling out of our super-powered wheel factory in a bi-trimesterly address that we like to call the "State of the Stain" address.

First of all, we at Loose Nuts have been greatly saddened and dismayed by the decision of MillerCoors, makers of many delicious adult beverages, to end production of Sparks and SparksPlus, the unofficial official beverages of the Loose Nuts racing team. This upsetting development came after the Attorneys General of at least 14 states came to the conclusion that Sparks and other caffeinated alcoholic beverages were aggressively marketed to underage drinkers and contributed to more instances of "alcohol related consequences." We at Loose Nuts are disappointed by this new instance of our government infringing upon our constitutionally given rights to exercise and augment our own god-given stupidity through consumption of whatever beverage we see fit, even one that comes packaged in recycled battery shells and turns your tongue a frightening shade of orange. In response to this draconian prohibition act, the Loose Nuts accounting department has dedicated a special fund to the purchase of all remaining cans of Sparks and SparksPlus (aka the Party Panther) still available to form an "Unregulated Strategic Sparks Reserve" or USSR. We are also accepting donations to the USSR from outside agents, and will gladly compensate any agent who provides viable, intact containers of Sparks or SparksPlus (aka the Party Panther) for their assistance in this very important act of civil disobedience.

Somehow, through all of the legal and psychological turmoil resulting from the demise of Sparks, we have managed to keep the nose to the truing stand and build some lovely wheels for the people in the "nice" column of Santa's informal but shockingly thorough census of humanity. Highlights include a super-light paired spoke road racing wheelset featuring used Bontrager hubs laced with 20 and 24 double-butted silver spokes to silver Velocity Fusion rims. This set was also the first "Signature Series" wheel to hit the big roads, featuring four contrasting red alloy nipples around the valve stem. They turned out great, and lend some class and sparkle to the Tarmac they now grace. Of course, this doesn't mean that we're abandoning our old friend the track hub. We just completed a sweet rear wheel featuring red anodized hub and nipples tied together with black spokes and a non-machined black Deep-V. Few things look as awesome as an all black deep-dish rim rolling along with sparks flying off of flaming red molten alloy nipples. And, when your old rear wheel gets relegated to serving hard time on the polo bike, why not treat yourself to a little upgrade for the street machine? I can't think of a reason.

But with all this anodization covering the world, we at Loose Nuts thought that the world needed a little more paint rolling around in circles, so we've enlisted the help of Atlanta artist and bicycle racer Nathan Tavel to produce a one-of-a-kind hand painted wheelset. We provided him with a pair of Velocity's lovely all-white Deep-Vs to have his way with, and after they have been sufficiently molested they will be returnd to Loose Nuts HQ for construction before showing at an upcoming show of Mr. Tavel's work in Atlanta. Early reports from the artist are highly favorable. He claims that whoever rides these wheels with have "baby unicorns sprouting up behind them." More information and photographs of all these projects are forthcoming, and the information ministers here at Loose Nuts HQ well be sure to tell you everything you need to know to get your hands on a once in a lifetime wheelset that will turn you into a Pied Piper of spontaneously germinated baby unicorns, or just a regular wheel to make your bike roll.

That's all for now, stay tuned for developments.

What's in a name?

2008-12-22T09:14:00.000-05:00

Faithful reader, I am in a quandry. I was informed by the Drunken Master and eternal pants-trader Ben "El Bastardo" Jones that the title of my little slice of electronic ephemera has already been taken. Not by just anyone either, but by the two hosts of my all-time least favorite radio show, Car Talk on NPR. Apparently the brothers Magliozzi are producing a new animated series on PBS, and seeking to indoctrinate a new generation of young auto mechanics to service the aging army of American automobiles that might otherwise be allowed to rot here on Earth or be crushed into cubes and shot into space like interstellar spitballs. I would rather not be associated with any evil and subversive plots like this, and since they've got the money and the lawyers (funded in part by donations from listeners/viewers like you to NPR and PBS) and I'd rather not risk a lengthy and expensive legal battle in a futile effort to assert my control of the name in question, so I am left with two choices: I can either vacate the tiny slice of the giant christmas ham that is the interweb, leaving it just as I found it, unnamed and without any spirit to give it life, or I can change the name. Well, anyone who knows me and many who don't will know that I don't just give in to leftist scare tactics so easily and will not be made to abandon my newly-claimed wireless homeland just to clear more space for a couple of eye-talians to drive their shaky old junker hatchbacks around and wonder what that funny rattling noise might be while swilling wine and wondering if the pasta is sufficiently al dente. But, I need help. While I may be able to use a whole lot of words to say very little, I'm not so good at coming up with snappy one liners or condensing meaning down to its very essence, boiling off the nonsense until nothing is left but some burnt-on residue at the bottom of the pot which is of course, the essence of all meaning. For this task I need your help, faithful reader. Help me reinvent myself and the Loose Nuts webspace with a fresh, inspiring, bold new title. Please leave suggestions in the comment field at the bottom of this entry, and help save me from the shit storm of copyright litigation soon to rain down upon me from the two brothers who call themselves "Click" and "Clack" and their army of gasoline-addicted miscreant automotivists.

Winter Bike League: Bowman ride report

2008-12-13T14:55:00.000-05:00

Humbled. Broken. Left for dead on the road somewhere between Athens and Bowman. Didn't even make it halfway. Almost there, so painfully close to the halfway point store stop that I almost thought I could make it, could almost taste the cold, sweet, crisp Coca-Cola that might give me the boost I needed to finish this 80-mile festival of torture, but it was not to be. The view from the back of this pack is not a pretty one. I spent the miles I was able to suffer through in constant flux, from coasting easy to giving everything to just barely hang on, big ring, little ring, never the right gear, and always a little nervous about the sketchy guy trying to ride up the middle of our double-wide pack, or the guy who crossed the yellow line to unzip his vest and almost got creamed by an oncoming pickup truck, or the nasty unforeseen potholes waiting to eat my wheels or - even worse - the pair in front of me. And then came one particular climb, which was not so terrifyingly steep or long as climbs come, but was sufficient to cause my already bewildered legs to begin convulsing like a pair of asthmatic lungs that just slammed down a Lucky Strike. By the time we reached the top, I found myself off the back and struggling to bridge the gap. A couple of riders passed by, too fast to jump a wheel, and then came the look back, over the shoulder, to realize that there was nobody left behind me. Where was the giant group that we left Downtown with? They were somewhere out there on the road, left behind or gone another way, probably enjoying their Saturday's ride on a nice smooth road at a reasonable pace, and here I am trying to bridge the 150 meter gap to a pack of lunatics hauling ass on plastic bikes. And what for? To prove to myself that I could do it. That I could hang with the big boys out on the open road. I can't hang. This sucks. No cue sheet, no map. The only way to survive is to catch the pack that leads the way. And then comes the final pass: the sag van. "You okay?" the driver asks. I shake my head and hang out my tongue. All I can muster at the moment. She passes me by to rejoin the pack. So close, still within sight. Just keep them in sight, don't miss a turn. The gap widens. Another rolling climb. The gap widens, but not much. "I'm climbing faster than the back of the pack," I tell myself. "You can still bridge up." My left leg keeps trying to cramp. Standing doesn't help, sit back down. I'm all out of gears. Stop sign coming up, where's the pack, where's that van? Which way did they go? Up or down? Left or right? Where am I anyway? Dropped. That's where. Nowhere. No-Man's-Land somewhere in between life and death, at the corner of some road I don't remember and one with no sign at all. I roll into a driveway, take a drink, try to decide what to do. I pull out the phone, make a call to the Mapping Department at Loose Nuts HQ, try to figure out the quickest and flattest route home. If I stretch out, take it slow, recover a little, maybe I can survive the trek back to town, back home to where my baby waits for me wearing naught but a loosely fastened bathrobe with a slice of pizza in one hand and a tallboy in the other. While Chris processes my coordinates, another dropee rolls down the hill. He's got a cue sheet. His name is Greg. He figured on getting dropped. He's got more sense than me. He tells me that the store stop in Bowman is only four miles up the road. Great! Maybe we can get back with the pack, get a nice draft and get sucked along all the way home. Let's get going then! The first uphill grade is mild. I favor my right leg, try to keep the pace high. I pass Greg on the flat to do my share of the pulling, turn a corner into another hill, steeper this time. Have my legs recovered? I try to stand on the pedals, and the inevitable but still unthinkable happens. Total lockup. Both legs eating themselves from the inside, being crushed inside the black hole that this ride has punched in my spirit. The pedals won't turn. The wheels have come off the bus. I've got nothing left, tell Greg to go on, and coast to a stop on the side of the road. At least there's a street sign. HWY 172 and Corinth Church Rd. This is the end of the road for me. They broke me. I thought I could hang, and the awakening is pretty damn rude. I report in to HQ and arrange for a pickup. This has never happened before. I've never not finished a ride. But it happened today. After being dropped off at Headquarters I still have to make the ride home. On the way, I run into another Loose Nuts compatriot who missed the start of today's ride because he was sick with a hangover. I fill him in on the details and we conclude that he didn't miss much. I tell him to call me if he feels like riding tomorrow, and roll my bones on home. I stop at the corner store and pick up a frozen pizza and some tall boys. What's the point of all this hauling ass anyway?

Have the Polo Players met their match?

2008-12-11T22:09:00.000-05:00

The future of the Athens Hardcourt Bike Polo League may be in serious jeopardy. After a run-in with the security guard at the Butler Building, league officials decided to move the games scheduled for the evening of Thursday last to the parking lot of the Jittery Joe's coffee sweatshop, a vastly inferior venue. The Polo League has used the Butler Building parking lot as a training ground for the past few months with no trouble, other than some confrontations with a band of unruly Greeks behind the Southern Wall of the court in conflict. Until the events of December 11, this had been a near-perfect venue for the League's weekly matches. The ground is relatively smooth and level, the streetlights are always on, and one would imagine that the roving bands of possum-slaughtering, khaki-clad, date-raping fraternitarians would be more of a concern or nuisance than an innocuous bunch of beer swilling pipe smackers. Passers-by, police, and (up to this point) security guards have been nonplussed by and unconcerned about the oddballs on bikes riding in circles swinging golf clubs and PCP pipes at a ball that may or may not actually be visible to the naked eye. But somehow, on a rainy and uninviting Thursday night, a hillbilly in a minivan with some stickers on it managed to run off the band of mallet-whackers who had just begun the first match of the evening's program. How did he do this? With fear tactics, poor English, and a mandate of power over a small chunk of cracking asphalt that comes with a meager paycheck twice monthly. A debate ensued, but the League's position was severely weakened by the arbitrary and foolish decree against consuming delicious hoppy beverages in public places, which it was clearly in violation of. Rather than risk an expensive and time-consuming court battle, the League's legal team advised bowing out, conceding a momentary defeat, and moving the matches to the next-best location.

All we need is a fairly flat space where we can swing our mallets and drink our beers without interference from any kind of arbitrarily appointed authority figure, where the cars of the world will leave us unmolested for a few short hours, someplace in the secretive corners of Athens where The Great Eye is not casting its deathly stare upon us, but where the streetlights still shine brightly as the Christmas star beckoning the Magi, a glowing beacon for the faithful few who showed up on a rainy night in December to pay homage to the Duke of the Mallet in hopes that he might spare their souls and allow them passage to Pensacola, where all good Americans go when they die. This cannot be too much to ask, and such a place must exist somewhere.

2008-11-12T08:57:00.000-05:00

Ahh. It's been too long since we've met, faithful reader. I hope you have missed me. My creative juices have been flowing so freely and mightily that I couldn't even step under the waterfall of brilliance for long enough to capture a bucketful without being crushed. But this morning is different. Like a good solid turd after suffering a week of diarrhea, my creative floodwaters have been receded to pre-Katrina levels and are now able to be harnessed, dammed and leveed into a new installment of "As The Wrench Turns", brought to you by hydro-electric power. A project to harness the awesome power of my flatulence to generate wind power is also in the works, and I will be sure to update you if there are any developments in the quest for this exciting new technology.

All formality aside, the real reason that you have the high honor of reading a new post from yours truly is that I found myself quite happily hung over this fine fall morning, and nothing goes better with a nice home-brewed hangover than a hot cup of coffee and some headache-induced ranting to an internet full of people where nobody is listening.

Goodness, so much has happened here at Loose Nuts HQ. We have elected a new president, built some cool wheels, watched the leaves turn colors across the great state of Georgia, seen a new wave of electric-assisted "hybrid" bikes hit the streets, won a cyclocross race, felt the first chills of the coming winter nipping at our noses, bought the cat a new collar that she promptly ditched in a bush somewhere...

HOLD UP! Wait a minute! Did you just say something about winning a race? Winning? Really? That's terrible news.

Yes, I know. But I cannot tell a lie, and I must confess that there was winning last Sunday in Rome. I myself, the Grinch, took home the golden medallion, stood on the top floor of the three-tiered tower of might, and quite literally and awkwardly sat on the wheels of the competition this last weekend. There is no photographic evidence of this wheel-sitting, but anyone who saw the race unfold at its crucial stage can attest to the forcefulness of my wheel-sitting. However, in the interest of transparency and full disclosure, I will present the unavoidable, highly public, unspinnable, truth-telling photograph taken by some paparazzo with a long lens and a short fuse. I leapt from the podium as soon as I heard the shutter snap and tried to snatch the film from the camera, but by the time I discovered that there was no film at all (damn this digital age!) he had gone off the deep end and was assaulting me with a tripod. I managed to escape he three-legged attack by running into the ladies' restroom, a no-mans-land that I knew he would never dare enter, but the photo remains. Ladies and gentlemen, exhibit A:

This photo was taken immediately after some wise guy said, "Everybody in favor of Ryan shaving his legs raise your hands!" Unfortunately, it looks like I'll be investing in a big bag of disposable razors. it's just my way of helping this troubled economy out of the toilet. I know what you're thinking though, I can see it in your beady little eyes. I know what I said a few posts back and the words echo in my dreadfully empty brain case. "Winning is for dopers and sandbaggers"

"WINNING IS FOR DOPERS AND SANDBAGGERS"

Which one am I?......

I'm lost in a moral conundrum and I don't know quite what to do with myself. I'm becoming exactly what I said I'd never be: a leg shaving, trainer riding, diet watching, teetotaling, bibshort wearing, goo eating, cycle sharting, chamois buttering, carbon fibering, gram counting, gear clustering, race winning DOPER. Or sandbagger. Or maybe both. I can only pray that this doesn't continue.

Torture Test and Ghettodrome!

2008-10-30T08:11:00.000-04:00

Ugh. I'm still recovering from the torture test that The Duke devised for us yesterday afternoon. He had the grand idea to construct a cyclocross training course in his yard, which wasn't a bad theory. The practice though, turned out to be less than perfect. After a rough day at the shop where I had to balance several different homeland security issues all while building some crazy new electric bike, I thought that I'd ride my frustrations out with some tough training at the Duke's place. Hah. I went out hard for the first few laps and expected to hit a rhythm and grind out the day's frustrations over a good half-hour or so. Fifteen minutes may have passed before his course whooped my tail and threw me down on the ground. However, time tends to dilate during periods of intense suffering, so it may have been as much as an hour. It's impossible to say since nearly everyone else present was happily drinking beer and enjoying my torment as a kind of cruel sideshow in lieu of bad cover bands or pole-dancing strippers. Ten laps in and I was ready to puke, pass out, or just break down and cry. I had been cracked by this seemingly puny grass path. The climb up one of the bigger hills in town on the way home was the nail in the coffin. I got home and fell apart. I felt much worse than I did after my first 50 mile ride on a fixed gear a couple of years ago. There was no sense of relief, no feeling of accomplishment, just inglorious defeat at the hands of The Duke's backyard torture chamber.

But Beware! I have not been killed, I have only been made stronger by this test and I will emerger with a taste for blood, tears, and sweet victory tonight at the GHETTODROME! If you don't know already, you had better get yourself up to Sunshine Cycles and get informed. Meet at Prince and Pulaski tonight at 9:15 for the short ride to the race venue. Wear your costumes, bring your booze of choice, and don't be slow, because the Devil takes the hindmost in this post-apocalyptic test of strength, skill and tactics. Only one will survive victorious, but many will be rewarded for their efforts with sweet prizes from Ben's Bikes, Swagger, and of course Loose Nuts Custom Wheels. The main event kicks off at 10:00, so don't be late.

News Flash! Weekend Race Report!

2008-10-23T07:39:00.000-04:00

While most of Athens languished in bed trying to smother their hangover with pillows and moans, the Sunshine/Loose Nuts cyclocross team was in Savannah taking our collective hangover to the next level by riding a road bike over rough terrain as fast as possible. To most of you this must seem like a terrible idea, and I can assure you all that it is. If there is one lesson that Sunday rides have taught me, it's that you absolutely cannot outrun a hangover, no matter how fast or hard you ride. Not even Tom Boonen with a nose full of the Devil's Dust can outsprint the after-effects of the dozens of Milanese dirty martinis from the night before. However, it is important to try, because the multiplied pain and suffering experienced on those hungover Sunday rides only make the non-hungover rides easier, and are therefore useful training excercises. There is no better way to simulate the worst day you could possibly have on the bike than to pump your body full of intoxicants and junk food for as long as possible on Saturday, pass out fully clothed in a horribly uncomfortable position, sleep fitfully for a few cold hours, wake in the morning much earlier than you would have liked, drink some swampy coffee, and then be expected to get on the bike and ride rather than lie on a puddle on the couch staring off into space. Just to make things interesting and level the playing field against our vastly outmatched competition, this was exactly the program that Sunshine/Loose Nuts sporting director Vinnie Van GoGo designed for the second race of the Georgia Cyclocross season. The team was completely on board and embraced the plan wholeheartedly. Our high-dration plan started at the first rest stop on the highway to Savannah and didn't quit until we arrived back in Athens nearly 36 hours later. Gallons of beer and pounds of pizza were consumed as we focused on making our racing experience as exquisitely horrible as possible. We arrived at the race course on Sunday morning with bubbly bellies and shivery legs, and proceeded to lay down the hurt on the competition, spectators and ourselves in a grotesque display of painful mediocrity. For anyone interested in our racing action or our actual placings, some photos are here and the series standings can be found here. If any of you race fans out there feel compelled to ask why we didn't win, remember the words of our sage advisor BikeSnobNYC, who says that winning is for dopers and sandbaggers anyway, and we certainly don't want to be lumped into either of those groups of unsavory and immoral people. We'd rather handicap ourselves with strong drink and insufficient training than cheat and dope our way to inglorious victory. Welcome to the new paradigm for amateur cycling: the race for second place, brought to you by Sunshine/Loose Nuts racing, Sparks Plus (aka the Party Panther), Terrapin Brewing, The Duke of The Mallet, and of course the number threven.

Eastward Bound...

2008-10-18T09:42:00.000-04:00

The Sunshine Cycles/Loose Nuts racing team is heading east to Savannah GA for the Savannah SuperPrestige cyclocross race. You would be foolish to expect updates from the road, but come Monday, you'll find reports from the weekend's racing, riding, and Oktoberfest style debauchery. Anyone in Savannah this weekend should check us out under the big yellow Giant Bicycle tent. Come have a cold beer and watch some dirty southern-fried cyclocross.

An Off-Season in Hell

2008-10-17T09:07:00.000-04:00

As the air turns cool, the leaves change shades and the nights get longer, the road racing season draws to a close. Long pants hide unshaven legs, time in the saddle is replaced with time on the couch, and carbon fiber frames wilt and recede to await rebirth in the spring. It's the natural cycle of things, but before the new team kits sprout in the spring with their majestic colors and chlorophyllic moisture wicking properties there is a long, dreary southern winter that must be endured. So where does the dyed-in-the-lycra roadie turn to maintain a peak level of fitness during these lean times? For Kay Sakai, the Athens cycling magnate and fully licensed road racer, there can only be one answer: Bike Polo. When night falls and the parking lots lie empty, Sakai becomes The Duke of the Mallet, and his opponents quiver in fear at his sight, armed with a mallet shaped from the disembodied seatstay of the devil's own track bike, piloting his carbon fiber steed across the gritty asphalt of the Polo Grounds. Strong legs collapse into jelly, tubes pinch themselves flat and rims taco spontaneously when confronted with The Duke's awesome might. Some say he's sold his soul. Others say he's only just found it. The Duke and a growing band of other true believers meet under the flickering streetlamps in the back lots of the city to do battle in the grueling test of skill, strength and spoke tension that is bike polo. For most players, the moment of glory after a goal is scored is enough to keep them coming back, but Sekai's motivations run deeper. Lives, primes and podium placings hang in the balance, and there is no better way to prepare for those amateur criteriums than join a cluster of unstable riders with clubs in their hands to fight it out at terrifyingly low speeds in a poorly lit parking lot. This nightmare whirlwind of blood, beer and low-end steel may wither the resolve of many weaker riders, but The Duke and his hand-selected chain trust of elite malletteers known as The First Generation are up to the challenge and are ready to take on all comers. These wheelmen of the apocalypse were born without fear and with an unquenchable thirst for goals, brew, and the blood of their enemies. With every match their legend grows, and this off-season in hell has only just begun for The Duke and his First Generation.

The Beginning...

2008-10-15T08:51:00.000-04:00

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the first episode of "As The Wrench Turns," your biased, disreputable and often ill-informed source for news, ideas and information about the all things bicycle-related in and around Athens, GA. "As The Wrench Turns" is brought to you by the number 32, the color black, the presta valve, and the two-man wheelbuilding powerhouse known as Loose Nuts. Here you will find updates on what Loose Nuts is up to, whether we're building wheels, breaking them playing bike polo, going to races in faraway or nearby places, or staying home with a bottle and penning bitter rants about whatever mortal injustice happens to be on our minds. So please beware faithful reader, because once this thing gets rolling, much like a fixed-gear spinning 100rpm downhill, it's going to be hard to stop.