Ladies and gentlemen, the 2009 edition of the Tour de France is off and jogging! Sunday's prologue time-trial was easily drowned out by the echoing power of Independence Day fireworks and the soggy sound of Will Smith punching aliens on cable TV, but Fabien Cancellara still "tore the legs off everybody and threw them asunder" on the way to a convincing stage win. Stage two began with what looked like little bumps on the stage profile, but looked like the wood grains on the inside of a coffin lid to the Athens faithful. Still, the four-man breakaway managed to stay clear up until the painfully flat final 25km, when they were snatched and grabbed by an errant breakaway artist who failed to stay away over the last 9k, and were finally caught by a ferocious pack led by Mark Cavendish's Mallets Of Athens/Columbia team. The MOA squad had done the lion's share of the work to catch the break, and applied the thumbscrews to the shift levers of the chasing teams. After rounding the final corner with three leadout men still locked and loaded when all other aggressors had already spent every round in the chamber, the Mallets Of Athens rider won a convincing stage victory in his first sprinting test at the 2009 tour. Here he is, replendent on the podium in the Mallets Of Athens (MOA) "Muscular Jersey," or "Maillot Musculaire."
It is a little odd that the preeminent team in the pro peloton is also sponsored by THC, which is listed as a dangerous and harmful ingredient in marijuana smoke. Also, I'm a little concerned that our favorite Manxman has some serious body-image issues. He was recently quoted in a prominent cycling publication as saying that when he looks at himself in "the one mirror that never lies" he sees that "mother nature was on an off day when she made me." Ladies and Gentlemen, please, when you see Mark please remind him that he is not "fat", that he must stick to his nutrition plan and keep up with the beer-drinking regimen that MOA director-sportif Vinnie Van GoGo has laid out for him.
In other news, everyone's favorite occasional cocaine user and big power strong man Tom Boonen has been allowed to ride this year's tour, but has been nowhere within sight of the podium on the first two stages. Keep an eye peeled and a nostril flared for Boonen on Tuesday, as he will almost certainly be visible on the Team Time Trial. A Loose Nuts/Mallets Of Athens viewing party will be held upstairs at Transmetropolitan to(morrow)night at 8:30. Come and enjoy!
No comments:
Post a Comment