Chainring grind

Chainring grind, originally uploaded by loosenutswheels.

short video of Chris grinding in Atlanta

Race Reports: USGP and Cyclocross Nationals!

Hop over to Ryan's Transcontinental blog for updates and reports from the final stop of the US Gran Prix of Cyclocross in Portland, as well as coverage of the Cyclocross National Championships in Bend. Some hot racing is going down in the Oregon cold!

SSCXWC '09!

Singlespeed Cyclocross World Championships were held this past Sunday in the pit of mud, blood and beer that was the Portland International Raceway. A full write-up is in the works, but here are some quick news flashes:

MUD! Lots of it. Everywhere. In every consistency and depth, at every angle and incline.

BEER! Lots of it. Mostly cheap, in red, white and blue cans. Pabst was also an event sponsor and served up only-slightly-overpriced pints.

THUNDERDOME! Craziest thing I ever rode through. S&M freakazoids and undead zombie people swinging from the rafters throwing beer and marshmallows.

BACON! Bacon handups should happen at every race!

JACKALOPE! In a nod to Jerry, the great and glorious Loose Nuts Jackalope, I felt it appropriate to don my best Jackalope attire for the festivities. Some spectators knew who I was, some were a little confused. "Go... Deer with ears guy!," "Go Bullwinkle!," and, "Holy shit it's the Easter Bunny!" were only some of the cheers I recieved.

Did I mention that it was muddy? I still don't know who won but I'm pretty sure it wasn't me. There was also some kind of race-within-the-race between Seattle and San Francisco to decide which city will host the SSCXWC next year. Either way, I'm going to do my damndest to make it next year too. Might have been the most fun I've ever had racing my bike. There was intermittent rain all afternoon, so we didn't get any photos of the actual race. A couple of post-race shots are up on the flickr page and I'll be scouring the buckets of photos sure to be dumped out on the interweb for pictures of me in the heat of battle, goring other racers with my noble antlers. BikePortland has a pretty good gallery up on their flickr page with some good pictures of the Thunderdome and scary MadMax racer people.

Stay Loose.

Interbike 2009

So its been way to long since this has been updated but I'm currently in the air flying to Vegas for Interbike. Hopefully I'll be able to snap some pictures and show you some new freshness in the bike world.

Ryan and India's Journey

Here's the link to the blog that Ryan and India are keeping on their journey to Portland. Follow along with their adventures!!

Transcontinental Odyssey

Stay Loose.

Tour de France 2009

Ladies and gentlemen, the 2009 edition of the Tour de France is off and jogging!  Sunday's prologue time-trial was easily drowned out by the echoing power of Independence Day fireworks and the soggy sound of Will Smith punching aliens on cable TV, but Fabien Cancellara still "tore the legs off everybody and threw them asunder" on the way to a convincing stage win.  Stage two began with what looked like little bumps on the stage profile, but looked like the wood grains on the inside of a coffin lid to the Athens faithful. Still, the four-man breakaway managed to stay clear up until the painfully flat final 25km, when they were snatched and grabbed by an errant breakaway artist who failed to stay away over the last 9k, and were finally caught by a ferocious pack led by Mark Cavendish's Mallets Of Athens/Columbia team. The MOA squad had done the lion's share of the work to catch the break, and applied the thumbscrews to the shift levers of the chasing teams.  After rounding the final corner with three leadout men still locked and loaded when all other aggressors had already spent every round in the chamber, the Mallets Of Athens rider won a convincing stage victory in his first sprinting test at the 2009 tour.  Here he is, replendent on the podium in the Mallets Of Athens (MOA) "Muscular Jersey," or "Maillot Musculaire."  

It is a little odd that the preeminent team in the pro peloton is also sponsored by THC, which is listed as a dangerous and harmful ingredient in marijuana smoke.  Also, I'm a little concerned that our favorite Manxman has some serious body-image issues.  He was recently quoted in a prominent cycling publication as saying that when he looks at himself in "the one mirror that never lies" he sees that "mother nature was on an off day when she made me."  Ladies and Gentlemen, please, when you see Mark please remind him that he is not "fat", that he must stick to his nutrition plan and keep up with the beer-drinking regimen that MOA director-sportif Vinnie Van GoGo has laid out for him.

In other news, everyone's favorite occasional cocaine user and big power strong man Tom Boonen has been allowed to ride this year's tour, but has been nowhere within sight of the podium on the first two stages.  Keep an eye peeled and a nostril flared for Boonen on Tuesday, as he will almost certainly be visible on the Team Time Trial.  A Loose Nuts/Mallets Of Athens viewing party will be held upstairs at Transmetropolitan to(morrow)night at 8:30.  Come and enjoy!

Buddy System Wrap-up

So, the Loose Nutters managed a strong third-place finish in the polo tournament at the Atlanta Midsummer Invitational and garnered the respect of many competitors who recalled the team's lackluster showing at the East Side Polo Invitational in Pensacola several months back. With a combination of smart tactics, well-honed mallet skills and clean play, the squad of Jones, Millard and Tavel cruised through their qualifying rounds, with their only losses coming at the hands of the teams from Richmond, VA and Columbia, SC(?) who were the eventual first and second-place teams. However, Mr. Tavel did not escape the competition unscathed. Through a bizarre combination of polo, trick bike douche-baggery and heavy-duty tent-tossing, Chris managed to crack some ribs. He's on the heal-up and will be ready to knock your teeth out with a slapshot before you know it.

In more current news, the Buddy System team alleycat took place this past Saturday here in Athens. Naturally, as the AMI alleycat was heavily tilted in favor of Atlanta locals, it was not difficult for Athenians to dominate the podium of the Buddy System. The two-person format was a new approach for most riders, who were tethered to their BFF at the start for a three-legged Lemans-Style start, forced to shuffle down a gravel driveway, disentangle themselves and mount up for the 2-hour long event in which competitors had to make it to four mandatory checkpoints and perform such diverse tasks as rope-jumping, 12" bike time-trialing, duct-tape leg waxing, tequila body-shotting, and trying in vain to score a goal against the infamous Dr. Jones on his home polo court. After that, there were a handful of optional challenges on tap for extra points. As in any urban race, a knowledge of the local area, traffic patterns, and elevation change was key, and the top teams combined an intimate knowledge of the Athenian bike scene with smart planning and high speed runs across town. In addition to the strong local showing (although the majority of Athens bigwigs were helping out running checkpoints) a handful of shredders dragged themselves down from hippie mountain for the festivities and made their presence felt on the road and by manning the grill and serving up about 10thousand delicious burgers for the post race party. Several teams also made the trek from Atlanta and made a respectable showing, especially in the late-night bar blitz that went down after all the free beers at Loose Nuts HQ had been cracked, drained and crushed. The temptation presented by dollar beers and 2-dollar shots proved to be a bit too much for some of the Atlanta faithful, who were left scrambling for a hole in the ground with cheeks full of upchuck. There were no official prize categories for out-of-towners, but when a plastic bag full of barely used bibshorts donated by a high-profile Athens cycling legend (who shall not be named here) appeared at HQ, the Atlanta boys were treated to a free lycra buffet and jumped at the opportunity like your fat cousin downing mac-and-cheese at Golden Corral.

All in all, it was a great race and one of the most fun alleycats in Athens history. Big props go out to all the winners, losers, DNFers, checkpoint workers, sponsors, and most importantly to Megs and Dr. Jones for organizing the race, buying a million beers and a thousand pounds of ground beef, and showing us all an awesome time.

Stay tuned for more information about the upcoming Bastille Day Cross-Crit race, July 14. Heads Will Roll!

Until next time,

RK

June gets it HOT!

So we're still waiting on news updates from the Atlanta Midsummer Invitational Polo tournament and street races, but the Loose Nuts team of Tavel, Jones and Millard and the Mallets of Athens squad of Sakai, Magner and Bushnel have qualified for the 8-team finals to be played on Sunday, June 21. This report from the Duke of the Mallet himself, K Sakai:

• 16 teams descended on the 2009 Atlanta Midsummer Invitational on a sweltering Georgia summer day capped by the temperature & humidity at over 9000. Athens arrived with 3 teams and moral support from the holligans of Athens and parents. The tone of the day for Athens was set with Loose Nuts (Athens-1), MoA (Athens-2) and Random (Athens-Composite) each winning their respective games in round 1. Loose Nuts dominated their games with strong play by Tavel, Millard & Doc Jones. They would later go on to topple Call to Arm's Tournament Champions, Ft Lauderdale, in a physical death match with casualties including lost fingernails and broken spokes. MoA (Athens-2) of Magner, Bushnel & Sakai kept the fire stoked with tournament newcomer, Magner, scoring a hat trick and the team pulling off a flawless record winning all four matches. Both Loose Nuts and MoA-A2 qualified in today's finale.

More information will follow as it is received.  

The next couple of weekends will carry the bike-citement generated by the AMI back home to Athens with a full docket of racing and rabble-rousing brought to you by a virtual whos-who of local two-wheeled celebutards. 

The first event to put your life, limb and potential happiness in jeopardy is The Buddy System, a team alleycat organized by UGA road racer and Loose Nuts cyclocross superstar Mighty Megs Denision and Loose Nuts track racer, polo killer and web mastermind Dr. Benjamin Jones.  

$10 for an afternoon of racing, food and delicious beverages?  Count me in!  Maybe we can get a big bicycle squaredance together and Madison Handsling our partners round and round!  If you don't have your buddy yet, don't worry.  There's always time for making new friends.

Then, on the very next weekend JohnDeere/UGA road bike crusher and stem-creak-freak Rigoberto Simpsoni presents his long-awaited Bastille Day cross-crit.  

I'm not sure what lies in store for racers on that fateful day in July, but you may rest assured that your pale-skinned, soft-bellied, weak-legged, lamb-eating, lassiez-faire, bourgeois ass will be humiliated and laid to rest in a mass grave with the rest of the upper-crusters. If you aren't tough enough, that is. This one's for the people in the streets, not the people City Hall.

Stay Loose.  We'll see you at the races.

-RK

New Website Under Development

So we are slowly moving towards a fully functional website. You can now find us a Loose Nuts Wheels

If you have any suggestions or comments please feel free to shoot us an email.

Also, look for us at the Atlanta Midsummer Invitational. We are a proud sponsor and will have more than a few teams competing in both the polo tournament and the various alleycats through out the weekend.

LN

B43's Built

Built up last Tuesday to All-City Hubs. Built up well and ride great too--

Mayhem Alleycat Win

In a desperate attempt to get out of Athens the Loose Nuts Race crew traveled up to Asheville to compete in the Mayhem Alleycat put on by Independent Fabrication mountain bike ripper Kylie Krauss. Expecting the air to be patchouli laden and the vibe to be chill we were thrown a curve ball at the beginning location in the form, of multiple undercover cops and a full squad of back-up, uniformed, police. Officially, the harassment stemmed from the ever horrific crime of selling t-shirts in a public park without a permit. After 15 or so confusing minutes of background checks, stern warnings, and not so truthful address given the race regrouped at Kylie's house for a slightly late and slightly altered start.

Consisting of multiple mandatory checkpoints spread out all over Asheville and a plethora of bonus points available at other undisclosed locations, the race appeared, at the start, to heavily favor the Asheville locals. After desperately scrutinizing the map and trying to orient ourselves in an extraordinarily disorienting city, Dr. Jones and I were as ready for racing in a city we'd never ridden through. With the tactics of the Giro fresh in our minds, we immediately hopped on some local riders wheels (which later proved to be immensely frustrating for them) and let them, guide us to the first few stops.

Feeling ever more confident with a belly full of whiskey and wet jeans from a slip-and-slide (compliments of the first few stops) we turned off by ourselves for the remainder of the race. We ended up hitting all the mandatory checkpoints pretty quickly and without to much backtracking. We did however spend a little additional time at the super sweet pumptrack (one of the mandatory stops) trying to throwdown some fast times for additional points. After looking amazingly ridiculous we managed to get our perpetually spinning feet timed somewhat well and made it around the course at a decent clip-- even managing to catch some air on the new B43's.

After spirited ride back through town towards the race finish, Ben and I got back first and immediately started rehydrating with the perfectly cool PBR's waiting for us. As the rest of the racers hurried back before the 7:00 cut off time the grill was fired up and many beers were emptied. After the scores were calculated, and recalculated a couple of times, Kylie announced the results before a befuddled crowd. In a stroke of luck, and thanks to the second place team, (the guys who lead us out to the first few checkpoints) Dr. Jones and I managed to squeeze out the win. After a few minutes of disbelief and incredulousnesses the murmur died down and everyone refocused on recounting the race, and their beverages.




Huge props go out to Kylie for throwing an extremely well organized race, and handling the ridiculous police presence at the start of the race. Hopefully some of the Asheville crew will be able to come down to Athens soon and beat us on our home court.

Athens has been taken to the HNL

The newest ride rolling around Loose Nuts HQ--

Steamroller frame, DMR Trailblade Fork, Truvativ Cranks (about to be changed to 165mm FSA's) and a bunch of other used parts.

LN

Hot off the Stand!

Here are some photos of our latest build, some super-light road wheels designed for the grueling climbs of the bicycle leg of Ironman Lake Placid.

Super Sweet Vintage Frejus

Josh at the shop dusted off this super sweet Frejus track frame. Its pretty much all original Campagnolo parts, even the chainring bolts. For a bike thats nearly 40 years old its in amazing condition. Its for sale, so if you are interested shoot us an email. LN

Rob's New Ride

Here is Rob's newest creation and another set of our wheels--

Recent Wheels

These are the latest set of wheels that rolled out of Loose Nuts HQ tonight--

They are popsicle purple Deep-V's, laced to All-City hubs with black Wheelsmith spokes. 

Here is a pic of the hubs that we've been using lately-- All-City Standard track hubs

More updates to come (the carbon polo bike will be soon, promise)

LN

A quicky from the Nuts

Loads of wheels, bikes and mallets have been built since we last updated the blog so here is a quick update--

A few of us, Ben, Jordan and myself, Chris, from Athens went down to the Dick Lane Velodrome in Atlanta to get certified to race a few couple of weeks ago.


We jumped through all of the hoops to get ready to race and are raring to go. It was pretty exciting to see 4 Loose Nuts track wheels actually being used on their native turf. Hopefully all three of us will be racing in the upcoming weeks. We'll keep you updated as we figure out exactly whats going on. Ben and Laura snapped some photos while we were down at the track-- they can be found here Track Certification Pics

On the wheel building front we've built over 5 new sets. We got to build a nice track only set on some new Suzue ProMax hubs that built really nicely. The hubs are super smooth and look great on Ben's Langster Comp.


Rigerberto's city ride got updated with a fresh set of white Deep-V's, Amy's Mercier is getting closer and closer to perfection with some woodgrain rims, Brooks B.17 Champion Special saddle, and super cool Brooks leather grips. A recent 20" convert (his name is omitted so he can keep his street cred) is about to be rolling on some super clean ano purple deep-v's and Treetop is considering a 650c for the Fuji-- guess he's looking to be a trickster.

Polo has been the main form of riding recently (thats not such a great thing) and a new polo steed has been built-- more will come soon but I'll leave you with a few details. Full carbon, 32's and bashguards.

More soon and pics shortly
LN

It's the New Style!

If you're wondering why you haven't been hearing much news out of Loose Nuts HQ these last few weeks, it's because we've abandoned our wheelbuilding initiative and began pouring our federal bailout money into a venture that will be more sustainable in these tough economic times: hair styling.  Here is a photo of one of our models showing off the flashy and upscale, yet decidedly derelicte look that our new pneumatic styling gun produces:

While the curmudgeons and retro-grouches of the Athens hair fashion scene may be reluctant to embrace this new oh-so-green innovation and abandon their gallons of ecologically hazardous products, dyes, and ear-gouging scissors, we have been promised a hefty sum of Obama-approved stimulus money to fund an infrastructure development program that will put the technology necessary for pneumatic styling within the reach of salon, barbershop, beauty parlor, stylist, and flo-bee owner in Athens and across Georgia. Naturally, the Halliburton of fashion houses, Mugatu Inc. has been contracted to carry out the necessary work.

This move will put thousands of unemployed poodles and stray cats to work, and will help preserve the lightness of Athens hairstyles for years to come.

Redneck Slumlords Unite!

Ok, so it took me a full day to recover from this pentathlon weekend do a point where I could form nearly coherent thoughts, but I'm mostly there on this foggy Tuesday. After sending my beer-soaked race kit of black jeans and Sunshine t-shirt to the cleaners, a full day at the shop, and plenty of alternating doses of coffee and sleep, I'm back in the land of the living. The crucial element in my recovery however, was a tapering program put together by Loose Nuts Minister of Health, Dr. Sanjay Gupta. Through meticulous research and scientific methodizing, Dr. Gupta has determined that you just can't quit drinking cold-turkey after a three-day blinding bender like the Pentathlon, you have to taper. There are receptors in your brain that NEED beer, and if you don't give it to them they will revolt, and like K. Sekai after a week without bike polo, you might just lose your shit altogether, or fall into a light coma/powernap. And, as horrible as that first beer sounded, he was right. If anyone else out there needs some help designing their own custom-tailored tapering schedule, Dr. Gupta has graciously allowed himself to be kidnapped, blindfolded and tied to a chair on the porch at the redneck slum formerly known as Loose Nuts HQ, with only one arm left free to hand beers up from the cooler full of icy cold water provided expressly for the purpose. But, as a high-profile TV doctor and U.S. Surgeon General designate, we are unsure how long Dr. Gupta will be available for consultation, so please act quickly.

As for the pentathlon itself, I would do myself a great disservice if I tried to recreate in words the awesomeness of this past weekend. It just can't be done. You had to see it to believe it, and if you weren't there you just straight missed out. Maybe when we were still in the thick of it, when the smell of beer in waterbottles still lingered, the frogs still flashed from trees and the crack of the mallets still echoed, I could have created a depiction of the heroism, savagery and pure mayhem that might have done justice to the truth of the matter, but now, with the powers of hindsight clouded by residual effects of drink and delirium, I find my powers of description unequal to the task. You'll hear all the stories anyway from those who survived, and the memories of those who did not will live on long after the worms have devoured their flesh.  

Pentathlon in the Books!

Phew, what a whirlwind. If anyone was checking back for pentathlon updates, I'm sorry to have disappointed. I had no chance at keeping up with the furious pace of events set by the Duke of the Mallet, K Sekai. The individual and team overalls were hotly contested, and to the victors went the spoils, and to everyone went the beers. Check back soon for a wrap-up story to cement legends and dole out appropriate amounts of glory to those that earned it.  

Event #1: 200m Sprints!

The much anticipated and often misunderstood misfit that is the Athens Bike Pentathlon kicked off Friday night in high-flying, big-ring-mashing, gear-grinding, beer-drinking, flaming hot shit style with the 200m Sprint competition, brought to you by Georgia Cycle Shorts and Scooters. A huge crowd lined the curbs of Harris St. in front of Loose Nuts HQ to watch the finals, and were treated to a display of head-to-head-to-head pedal mashing that was not only 3 Fast, but also 3 Furious.

--------------



But, due to a pair of unexpected electronic meltdowns at Loose Nuts HQ, the meticulously worded spark of brilliance that was my original race report has been lost to the sands of time, and you don't just pull genius like that out of your ass. So, you don't get a ride report anymore and I hate the internet. Check malletsofathens.com for standings and information while I strangle myself with the a phone line.

The Bike Pentathlon Kicks Off!

Ladies and Gentlemen, start your engines! The long-awaited, much anticipated Athens Bike Pentathlon is off and running! If you're not on board now, it's not too late to catch up! Get to malletsofathens.com for all the info, and get out there.

Check back here for updates on times, standings, and other foolishness.

The the Loose Nuts ministry of information will be covering all the events, bringing you the real story, as it might have happened in some alternate universe where the beer is cheap, the roadies are only sometimes dorks, the trail riders aren't always smelly, the fixters actually ride their bikes and everyone gets along.

Or, only in Athens. Let's gittit on!

Revenge of the Nerds Part VII: The Evolution of Perfection

The mailman comes through the double doors of Sunshine Cycles every day. (S)he generally delivers bills, junk mailers for stupid new products, promo stuff from parts distributors, and free copies of magazines like "Florida Sportsman", "Bowhunter", and Rifle Shooter". We used to get stuff that was only sometimes less horrifying but always more fun like "Maxim", "Stuff" and other dude-centric titles that we took cutouts from to line the inside of the shop cabinets. We told Obrimace (the shop manager) that it was important to protect the finish of the cabinets from the harmful solvents, degreasers and brake fluids that are stored there, but he wasn't having it and cancelled our free subscriptions. So these days, picking up the mail from the front counter isn't as much fun as it used to be. Until one day...

We recieved a small, sqaure, white envelope printed on high-quality paper with a watermark reminiscent of the pinstriping on a fine eye-talian gentleman's shirt, sealed with a shining silver sticker that I can only assume was cold-forged from the highest quality duraluminum alloy and double-anodized with meticulous attention to detail. "The Evolution of Perfection," read the front of the envelope. Dura-Ace was coming to town. Inside the envelope was an invitation and four tickets to the Dura-Ace dealer tour, which would be held on January 8th at 6:30 pm in the Centennial Room at the Duluth Marriot Hotel. As near-legendary wheelbuilders and cyclocross racers, it was only natural that the fine men of Loose Nuts would be invited to such a prestigious event, and since the invitation offered "food, drink and good company in abundance," the opportunity to check out the newly evolved Dura-Ace group, as well as some of the other fresh new goodies Shimano has Japanimated for the new year of 2009, we had no choice but to attend.

So, after months of waiting and anticipation, the morning of January 8th dawned crisp and cool, but with a ferocious headwind on my ride to work. Obrimace had agreed to let Chris and I leave work early to get down to Duluth and witness firsthand the paradigm shift that Shimano had engineered with their new Di2 electronic shifting Dura-Ace groupset. In fact, as we agreed on the ride down Hwy 316, if the words "paradigm shift" were uttered by any Shimano representative at any time, Chris would be buying a bottle of Sailor Jerry's delicious navy rum on the way home. The size of the bottle was never specified, but I would be sure that it was a big one. I wasn't letting him get out of this one so easy.  

After about an hour of stop-and-go traffic that re-cemented my powerful hatred for commuting by car, we arrived. I expected to be greeted with pomp and circumstance, with lights and banners and smiling Japanese people beckoning me to be one of the first to experience "The Evolution of Perfection." Instead, after a few moments of confusion, I resorted to asking the guy behind the hotel desk for directions, which I immediately misinterpreted. Chris managed to point us in the right direction through clever attention to the signs with arrows pointing toward the Centennial room, and we found ourselves confronted with a card table manned by nice young men in clean blue shirts asking four our tickets. This is what their legs looked like:

 

We presented our ticket, were given a bunch our "trade sales and support manuals" and two tear-off carnival tickets for some kind of raffle at the end of the presentation in which we stood a pretty reasonable chance of winning a new Dura-Ace group. "Ok, fine," we said, "but where's the food?" We found our way past the nice young men in the clean blue shirts to a second room filled with wonder. A curvy buffet table snaked its way across the center, while tables lined with all kinds of Japanese-made fancy bits lined the periphery. Of course, we made for the plates and piled them high with the delectable finger-foods that were provided for our enjoyment. I wish I had photos of the spread, because it was a beautiful sight to be seen. There were chainring platters of the finest Japanese cheeses, carbon-soled shoes filled with fresh salsa, honeycomb bashguards dripping with honey, hollow crank arms cradling fried chicken nibbles, two-piston disk brake calipers topped with black olives, straight-pull spoke kabobs, and the always delicious dual-control mushroom/sausage combos. After we had sated our hunger with the first plate, we were both left wondering "ok, fine, but where's the beer?" We had smelled and seen folks traipsing around with pints of delicious-looking beverages, but hadn't seen any available. By this time though, we were being called in for the presentation which was about to begin. "Ok, fine," we told ourselves, "but we're going to find this beer." Little did we know, that we had been baited and now were about to be switched in classic style. 

We sat down in our normal-looking chairs in the normal-looking hotel ballroom with a fancy name and horrifying carpet, and waited patiently for the magic to happen. The projection screen in front of us showed what we assumed was a computerized rendering of the magical action inside of an internally-geared hub, with several plantary gears revolving around each other, while we waited for the presentation to begin. I was ready for fireworks, japanese girls in tight clothes, flashing lights and booming techno music that would make me want to stand on my chair and shake it like 1999, but that wasn't what I got. Instead, we got a powerpoint. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, a powerpoint that could have been put together by a 14 year old with a script and a spellchecker. Here is a rendering of the dismal scene:

Can't you just feel the electricity in the air? That set of brake levers you see in the far left side of the frame was about the only source of electricity in this presentation. This particular slide is showing the clever way that the engineers at Shimano managed to improve the shifting on the new Dura-Ace cassette all while reducing weight and increasing rigidity by 100%. Amazing. Our esteemed speaker went on to describe all the amazing changes made to the new Dura-Ace groups, which now use a new chain, new front derailleur, new brake cable pull ratio and new brake calipers which are not compatible with any other group. That is, if they use cables at all, which is not the case for the new Di2 electronic shifting Dura-Ace, which appeared to be the only reason that anybody showed up to this thing at all. People were crowded around the electronic shifting bike like male drone bees around the queen, just begging for a ride. Apparently, the brake lines on the new Di2 group, which are still run by archaic and outdated steel cables, are lubricated with Shimano's proprietary royal jelly, which contributes to the odd pull that Di2 equipped bikes have on the less intelligent.  

After the discussion of the updates to Shimano's road groups, the crowd rallied for a break. Chris and I were still anxious to find the beer in this damned place, and since it appeared that there wasn't any being given away, we resorted to plan B: the hotel bar. We quickly located The Button Room, named after Button Gwinnett, who was one of the original signatories to the Declaration of Independence. On a tangentially related note, an original Button Gwinnett autograph would be just behind that of Julius Caesar or William Shakespeare in a list of most valuable autographs. A free bottle of Sailor Jerry goes to the lucky reader who can tell me why. So, to the bar we go. Here's the view from the rail:

The surly and indignant bartender poured us two frothy pints of Guinness with what looked like an inch-and-a-half of whipped cream on top. But, no time to complain. We had to get back and learn about the new mountain bike groups that Shimano was offering. By this time, were were tiring of the constant parade of part numbers and gear ratios and compatibility charts flashing across the powerpoint screen and were ready for some action. Surely if there was going to be some excitement anywhere it would be in the ever-broadening downhill/northshore/freeride/slopestyle/extremecross-country/light-dutyallmountain/gravity/longtravel/bighit segment of the mountain bike market. The presentation began with what could have been an introduction from one of those new mountain bike video deals, but somehow without sound of any kind. Nothing is more exciting than watching someone do a half-topped tabletop off a log drop in slow motion in soft focus with no soundtrack. The rest of the mountain bike presentation was equally monotonous, and I should have just gone to get a refill of my painfully expensive beverage, but I couldn't help waiting for something exciting to happen. It never did. Not until the tense moments after the lights had come back on and we were all waiting to see who, by pure blind luck, would walk out with a full Dura-Ace group (no substitutions please) as compensation. Of course we were painfully close, but just 2 ticket numbers away from winning. If we had gotten stuck in just one more red light on the highway, we may have won, but we didn't. We were left with the consolation prizes of a technical DVD and a double-ended screwdrives that Shimano described as "a handy little tool" for adjusting all those flathead bolts holding their parts together.

For those of you still left wondering, we did ride the electronic Dura-Ace bike. Yes, it does shift smoothly. It feels very much like someone bolted a high-end mouse to the side of their STI lever, with one click to upshift and the other to downshift. In keeping with the mousey theme, the front derailleur makes a distinctly mouse-like squeak when it shifts or trims itself. Fantastic. Poor little Dura-Ace with plain old cables (which are not lined with royal jelly) just sat on the other side of the room like the redheaded stepchild that everybody tolerates but nobody really loves. I took pity on the poor outdated group and took it for a little spin on the trainer, but was equally underwhelmed. We messed around with the "adjustment mode" on the electronic group for long enough to get it a little out of whack, try to fix it, and then realize that the derailleur hanger on the demo bike was clearly bent, but nobody in this whole room full of tech geeks had the tools, knowledge or desire to fix it. Wonderful. We got the heck out of there, considered getting another overpriced beer in the Button Room, but decided instead to hightail it back to Athens where 12 packs of Guinness can be had for just slightly more than our bar tab. 

There was no talk of a "paradigm shift" and therefore no purchasing of delicious rum on the ride home. Chris however, seemed to be feeling the effects of having eaten one too many delicious spicy taquitos from the buffet line and had to ease the seat back and close his eyes in order to calm the stormy seas in his stomach. I coasted home on the darkened highway to a soundtrack of really weird music with my head still buzzing from the electronic interference generated by having a ceiling full of flourescent lights, a powerpoint projector, a whole bunch of nerds with heads full of part numbers, compatibility charts and gram counts, and two semi-functional electronic groupsets in one room. The revenge of the nerds was complete, and the Evolution of Perfection marches on.

News Flash! Loose Nuts delivers "State of the Stain" address!

I realized today that a huge span of time has passed since anything was published on this little wedge of electronic pepperoni pizza about the art and science of wheelbuilding, and more importantly, the goings-on around Loose Nuts HQ. Perhaps it is time, here in the freshly birthed new year of 2009, to inform our esteemed readership about the new and improved spoked, circular hotness that has been - and is soon to be - rolling out of our super-powered wheel factory in a bi-trimesterly address that we like to call the "State of the Stain" address.  

First of all, we at Loose Nuts have been greatly saddened and dismayed by the decision of MillerCoors, makers of many delicious adult beverages, to end production of Sparks and SparksPlus, the unofficial official beverages of the Loose Nuts racing team. This upsetting development came after the Attorneys General of at least 14 states came to the conclusion that Sparks and other caffeinated alcoholic beverages were aggressively marketed to underage drinkers and contributed to more instances of "alcohol related consequences." We at Loose Nuts are disappointed by this new instance of our government infringing upon our constitutionally given rights to exercise and augment our own god-given stupidity through consumption of whatever beverage we see fit, even one that comes packaged in recycled battery shells and turns your tongue a frightening shade of orange. In response to this draconian prohibition act, the Loose Nuts accounting department has dedicated a special fund to the purchase of all remaining cans of Sparks and SparksPlus (aka the Party Panther) still available to form an "Unregulated Strategic Sparks Reserve" or USSR. We are also accepting donations to the USSR from outside agents, and will gladly compensate any agent who provides viable, intact containers of Sparks or SparksPlus (aka the Party Panther) for their assistance in this very important act of civil disobedience.

Somehow, through all of the legal and psychological turmoil resulting from the demise of Sparks, we have managed to keep the nose to the truing stand and build some lovely wheels for the people in the "nice" column of Santa's informal but shockingly thorough census of humanity. Highlights include a super-light paired spoke road racing wheelset featuring used Bontrager hubs laced with 20 and 24 double-butted silver spokes to silver Velocity Fusion rims.  This set was also the first "Signature Series" wheel to hit the big roads, featuring four contrasting red alloy nipples around the valve stem. They turned out great, and lend some class and sparkle to the Tarmac they now grace. Of course, this doesn't mean that we're abandoning our old friend the track hub. We just completed a sweet rear wheel featuring red anodized hub and nipples tied together with black spokes and a non-machined black Deep-V. Few things look as awesome as an all black deep-dish rim rolling along with sparks flying off of flaming red molten alloy nipples. And, when your old rear wheel gets relegated to serving hard time on the polo bike, why not treat yourself to a little upgrade for the street machine? I can't think of a reason. 

But with all this anodization covering the world, we at Loose Nuts thought that the world needed a little more paint rolling around in circles, so we've enlisted the help of Atlanta artist and bicycle racer Nathan Tavel to produce a one-of-a-kind hand painted wheelset. We provided him with a pair of Velocity's lovely all-white Deep-Vs to have his way with, and after they have been sufficiently molested they will be returnd to Loose Nuts HQ for construction before showing at an upcoming show of Mr. Tavel's work in Atlanta. Early reports from the artist are highly favorable. He claims that whoever rides these wheels with have "baby unicorns sprouting up behind them." More information and photographs of all these projects are forthcoming, and the information ministers here at Loose Nuts HQ well be sure to tell you everything you need to know to get your hands on a once in a lifetime wheelset that will turn you into a Pied Piper of spontaneously germinated baby unicorns, or just a regular wheel to make your bike roll. 

That's all for now, stay tuned for developments.